Losing Mom

 

Mom on her 100th Birthday

My dear Mom passed away on September 1, 2023.  It was quite miraculous.  My daughter, Michele, decided to come as a surprise visit.  Unfortunately, when Michele arrived, Mom was sick in bed vomiting and uncomfortable.  Michele examined her and suspected she had an intestinal blockage.  Because of her extreme age (almost 103) it was not feasible to take her into emergency surgery.  She was made comfortable and expired in the early hours of the new month of September.

I gave the following eulogy at Sacred Heart Catholic Church on September 14.

"Hello, my name is Joanne Collins, the oldest child of Marie Walter McDermott, whose life we are all here to celebrate today. On behalf of my family, we’re so glad you’ve joined us to honor our dear Mom and Grandma. While reflecting on her life, I realized that the story of how she got here to Punta Gorda, and thus why you are sitting here today, is not only a funny story but speaks to the woman she was.

Let’s go back to 12+ years ago.  My Mom was was living 100 miles north in New Port Richey.  Her husband, my father, Jim, had passed away the previous year, and she came to visit us for the holidays.  Picture this: we are sitting in this beautifully decorated church on Christmas Eve. A smiling Father Jerry walks down the aisle and tells us that he knows it’s been a tough year economically, and we or someone we know could use help with expenses. He spreads $5000 cash around the Baby Jesus and says that he will sit there until ALL the money is gone!  

You have heard the expression “her jaw dropped”? Well, Mom’s did just that. Then she turned to me and whispered “In all my days, I have NEVER seen a Catholic priest GIVE AWAY money.”  With that she knew she wanted to be part of Sacred Heart. By January, Mom had put her condo on the market.

Marie Frances Walter was born almost 103 years ago in Franklin, NJ, the first child of Katherine and Joseph Walter.  She had one brother, Bill, her “baby” brother whom she loved dearly. Her mother, Katherine, known to us as our Grandma Teaneck, was a remarkable woman in her own right. She was a nurse who took care of patients in New York City during the 1918 influenza epidemic and was also a suffragette who marched for Women’s Right to Vote.  I think this is where my Mom got much of her grit and determination, and she in turn passed that to me and my siblings.  

Just imagine being born in 1920 with the Roaring 20’s as your earliest memories, and then, one day at age 9 the whole world is turned upside down when the Stock Market crashed. Her dad lost his job as a lapidary, a gem cutter, and her family was forced to survive with help from her paternal grandparents.  The Depression was a tough time to grow up, and it affected her deeply.  From this experience, she developed two major values which she imparted as messages to her 5 children: (1) Be independent so you are not beholden to anyone and (2) Get a Higher Education so that you can always survive no matter the economic environment.

My Mom's Navy Wave Picture 1943

In her early 20’s, World War II broke out, and her brother enlisted in the Army.  Mom decided that if her brother could serve, she could do the same, and she enlisted in the Navy in 1943.  Back then, women could not serve on ships so she was stationed in Washington DC procuring supplies for the war effort.  After the end of the war, she was retained to wrap up the naval contracts until 1946.  Upon discharge, she received a “free bus ticket” anywhere in the United States and decided to head to Hollywood with a Navy friend. They had a grand adventure traveling by bus across the country and wound up living in the Actor’s Studio. 

After 9 months, her parents beseeched her to “come home” to NJ because her Dad was sick with cancer.  She reclaimed her old “pre-war” job for American Cyanamid in Rockefeller Center, NYC.  One day she heard of a Rooftop Dance for veterans at the YWCA.  She attended and met my Dad, Jim McDermott, who lived in Brooklyn. They met for dates in the City with Mom taking the bus from NJ and Dad taking the subway from Brooklyn for about a year until they decided to get married.  They were married in April 1948 and settled in Bergenfield, NJ, where they raised 5 children – me, Joanne Collins, and my siblings Mary Kuhnen, Claire Spanbock, Paul McDermott and Kevin McDermott. My parents were married for 60 years until my dad passed in 2008.

Mom & Dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary

Remarkably, Mom returned to the workforce at age 46 to resume her career, which was considered “late in life.” She was initially hired as a secretary for Lipton Tea Corporate Headquarters, Englewood Cliffs, NJ and worked her way up to become one of the first female managers, but because she was a woman, the company required her to be interviewed by a psychiatrist to see if she could handle a management position.  Of course, they found she could! And, she ultimately broke the “glass ceiling” when she was promoted to Manager of Consumer Affairs. Corporate America thrived with the help of forward-thinking, strong women like my mother.

In 1986, she retired from Lipton, and my parents moved to a condo community in New Port Richey, FL, near Tampa, where they enjoyed their retirement in warmer weather. She joined clubs, started water aerobics in the community pool, and took up painting as a hobby. She also continued to use her skillset from work in a variety of volunteer organizations, including the board of her condo association and the St Vincent de Paul Society. My parents were members of Our Lady Queen of Peace in New Port Richey, where she became a Vincentian and interviewed clients in need of assistance.  She told me that even though she wasn’t supposed to, she would occasionally slip clients cash when they were in a particular bind. 

After Dad died, Mom decided to honor him by funding an aspiring priest in far away India, who became Father Joe. They maintained an email correspondence, and my sister Mary and I have also remained in contact with him and are always happy to hear from dear Father Joe.  In fact, on Mom’s 100^th birthday, he sent us a video attachment of orphans singing to her, which was so special.

Well, that brings us almost “full circle” to Mom being amazed by Father Jerry on Christmas Eve of 2009.  She miraculously sold her condo in record time and moved into South Port Square, right across the bridge, in Port Charlotte.  She lived independently until she was 101 enjoying water aerobics (which she thought was her secret to longevity), card games and especially painting beautiful art works with her dear friend, Norma Jean Rich. 

Mom's Quilt of Valor on display in church

She loved coming to Sunday 11 o’clock Mass here.  Afterwards she would either come for lunch or Sunday dinner at my place in the Isles.  During the Pandemic, she watched Father Jerry’s Masses on YouTube, which was a great comfort to her when she was locked down.  She would tell you that this is one terrific church, but then it is not the building, it is the people and the leadership of Father Jerry and our other priests.  She was particularly impressed by our St Vincent de Paul, which is one of the largest in the United States and such an asset to our community. Mom encouraged me to follow in her footsteps as a Vincentian, becoming an interviewer myself, helping the poor and needy in Charlotte County with food, clothing, furniture, housewares and overdue bills, which has been extremely gratifying.  Mom was honored last Veteran's Day at the Military Heritage Museum here in Punta Gorda.  She received a "Quilt of Valor" which was fabricated in her honor by the Peace River Quilters.  We especially thank Lynn Kaiser who was instrumental in organizing this tribute.

Mom told us often that what she was most proud of was her 5 children, 8 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren. Mom’s messages to be independent and educated definitely influenced all of us. Her children and grandchildren have earned associates, bachelors, and masters degrees as well as 2 PhDs and 2 MDs, who are incidentally both female, her oldest and youngest granddaughters, beneficiaries of Mom breaking that glass ceiling. She was proud of all of their accomplishments, but much more important than degrees earned, she raised good people who are independent, free thinking individuals who give back to society.

A year ago, she moved to Assisted Living at South Port. She struggled with increasing issues with her mobility but still maintained a sharp mind and a zest for life. We are grateful that in the end, she went quickly. Mom will be buried tomorrow at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, FL with full Naval Military Honors.

We thank you so much for coming today and invite you all to continue this celebration her life by joining us for a buffet lunch at Isles Yacht Club after the service."

 Taps

Lucky with Idalia

 We were very lucky! We survived with no flooding. Others were not so fortunate. 

August 29th, we watched Idalia intensify as she barreled up the Gulf of Mexico and passed us by mid afternoon. The water rose to just over our dock.  But Idalia wasn't over by a long shot.

The black dot shows the predicted tide height about 3 PM when Idalia passed by about 160 miles offshore.  Major Lucky Stroke #1 - Idalia stayed offshore. Major Lucky Stroke #2 - Idalia moved North up the Gulf at about 16 mph reducing time for surge to build.  Major Lucky Stroke #3 - Idalia's tail, a good it of it anyway,  came through as the tide fell and then only rose to only a mid-tide. The red dot show the predicted tide at about 2 AM. 

At 2 AM I woke up to simultaneous flashes of lightening and booming of thunder. Hard rain swept down the street sideways.  The water was over the canal wall up to the base of our power pole (connection for power to boat and lift). Big palm fronds broke off.  Joanne went back to bed; I stayed up to see what would happen next. 

                                          Water Level at 5 AM

Break - enter Dexter, Judy's cat. We are keeping Dexter while Judy is Australia and New Zealand. Dexter is big, maybe 30 pounds. He likes to sleep. But more than sleep he likes to eat! Dexter hung out and patiently watched NBC2 with me. About 5 AM, he started to whine, crawl all over me and stare straight into my face, impatient for his wet food treat which he devours instantly!  

Back to Idalia.  At 5 AM, time of mid tide, the water level was only up to the base of the power pole and Idalia, now a major hurricane, was well passed us and nearing the Big Bend of Florida, a couple hundred miles away.  But Idalia kept coming. 

Or Canal at 7 AM

Check out the 7 AM radar image above. Idalia made landfall in the Big Bend about 7:45 AM.  The outer bands NE quadrant extend almost to the North Carolina border and the tail end to the latitude of Key Wesr.  Bands of rain kept coming all morning and into the afternoon but the storm surge subsided as the tide rose keeping the water level just at the top of the sea wall, no more.

On my way to SVdP in the morning, I saw houses along Aqui Esta that were flooded.  The 41 bridges were reported closed due to flooding in Punta Gorda. Don't know yet how many restaurants and shops flooded along Marion.  Flooding reported in Venice, Sarasota and Clearwater.   

Business was slow at SVdP with both volunteers and clients missing in action so I left early at 10:30. 

              Idalia in Georgia but more rain still on the way for us.

                                                              Barge Tied Up in Our Canal

4 PM  - Water level is down but still over the dock. Wind down to 18 kts SW, less gusty. Sprinkling just a little.  We pickup Michele at 8 PM at RSW.  Dexter is still asleep in the closet.  No doubt, he will be harnessing me at 6 AM tomorrow morning!  

With the Gulf so hot, I believe we will continue to see storms going from nothing but thoughts in the minds of the meteorologists to major hurricanes in just a few days.  Our insurance rates are bound to go up just as fast. Ours has already doubled!

Chuck Limberger at the Grand Gatsby

Chuck with his Doll

Spirit of Chicago

 At the Isles Yacht Club, Richard played a minor role as Chuck Limberger in a Grand Gatsby Murder Mystery.  He "rewrote" his really lame part to make it more interesting, presenting himself as the accomplished pilot with a plan to be the first to fly solo across the raging Atlantic. He told the crowd of revelers at the club that all he needed was financial assistance. and that he would paint any contributor's name on the fuselage of the Spirit of Chicago. 

 Jazzy, a nightclub singer, presented Chuck with a generous check as she draped herself over him much to his delight!  

Oxford New Jersey

 July 14, 2023

On our way from Ocean City, New Jersey to Allentown PA for our Allegiant flight home we stopped by Oxford to see my grandparent's old home and their graves.  I hadn't been back to Oxford in forty-four years. 

A pleasant drive up the Garden State Parkway carried us north. Traffic really picked up as we approached the New York City area turning into bumper to bumper driving on I278 with lots of trucks for company. We turned onto Rt 31 from I78 for a lazy drive on a road shaded by lots of trees - green is the color of New Jersey out here.  After stopping in Washington for a late breakfast, we crossed over Oxford Mountain to 82 Church St, the old home of my grandparents. I was disappointed to find the house in such run-down condition. The screen porch where my grandfather like to sit was missing its screen. The house needs paint and the roof needs to be replaced. Many more trees shaded the backyard than I remembered. 

I remember the wall being much taller but then I was much shorter in 1952. Of course the railroad tracks across the street that I rail-walked with my grandmother in the fifties are long gone. The tracks ran up the mine that closed in the mid sixties.

We drove around the block and snapped a photo of the Presbyterian Church located behind the old house. When we were little, my grandmother encouraged my brother and me to ring the church's bells one weekday morning just for fun.  

Google Maps shows "Oxford Group of Mines" located on the right side of  Mine Hill Road but all we saw were thick woods all along the road. Actually, the mines are just some holes in the ground in the woods so there wasn't anything to see, from the car anyway.

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Hillside Cemetery is just a short drive away along Jonestown Road. The graves of my grandparents and Uncle Lawrence lie near the unpaved road that runs alongside the cemetery.

The American Legion added the flags and probably cleaned Laurence's grave marker (not shown). He served in the navy during World War II. 

We followed rural roads passing by small farms and well-appointed hillside homes and lots and lots of trees on our way to the Lehigh Airport. This part of New Jersey is so beautiful and tranquil, I wish we had more time to just explore the backroads. 

I forgot to mention - we enjoyed a late breakfast at the Washington Diner on our way to Oxford. 

Stopping By Oxford

Post Script - My grandfather worked for the Allan Wood Steel Company for fifty+ years starting at age thirteen. He transferred from Philadelphia to Oxford in the Depression to assume the position of office manager for the mine. See the AllenWood Steel Story written in 1959 for a description of the mine.  The company folded in the sixties. 

    

Ocean City New Jersey

Sunrise July 11, 5:40 AM  Ocean City New Jersey - Richard took these lovely photos on the first day we arrived for a Family Vacation at the famous Jersey Shore!  I, Joanne, hadn't been here in many years - maybe 50 years since my daughter, Michele, was a young child.  When we were teens, our Grandmother took us to Ocean Grove near Asbury Park and then we graduated to trips to Seaside Heights.  Oh, such great memories!  I actually saw Mick Jagger of Rolling Stones fame at the Asbury Park Convention Center when he first broke out onto the rock scene.

Pictured below is us enjoying the Ocean City Boardwalk, from L to R is Addie, Michele, me, Claire, Lucy in the wagon with Frankie pulling her.  It was such a joy to spend time with the 3 little girls - Frankie, Lucy and Lana.  They never failed to keep us entertained!

Richard and I took a ride on the Ferris Wheel which provided us great views of the ocean and rides.  The highlight was the bumper cars when all 15 of us bumped away to the challenge.  Fun, fun, fun...

Out on the Water in a little power boat rented by my brother, Paul.  Little Lana (almost 3) was fearless.  Here she is looking for dolphins.

Coast Guard Requires Proper Lookout at All times

Largest Osprey Nest I Have Ever Seen

I loved spending time with my daughter, Michele, pictured above.

Later in the week, Richard and I drove down the Parkway a few exits and toured the famous Cape May Lighthouse.  It was a joy to look for our previous neighbor's B & B, which we spotted near the ocean road.  The beautiful restored old timey homes were so pretty.

Here I am with my sibs - from L to R,  - -  Paul, Mary, Claire and me.  What a treat to get together with our families and get on our "NJ Vibe."  We found a bakery and were able to recreate our childhood memories of eating sticky honeybuns, jelly donuts, crumb cake and the like!  And we had Jersey corn and tomatoes.  Oh boy, it was a good food fest!

Thanks to my sister-in-law, Diane for renting her summer family home and to Claire for finding another close-by place for the overflow visitors.  Thanks to sisters Mary and Claire for shopping and cooking wonderful dinners and to Diane for her contributions of delicious corn bread, salads, etc.  With everyone pitching in, they were able to serve 15 of us effortlessly!

Summer 23

It is summer time here in Punta Gorda and the living is easy. And HOT!

Time is best spent inside in the air conditioning in the heat of the day. Richard worked from 6:30 AM to 7:45 AM a number of days to refinish the front door at the end of session soaked in sweat. By 8 AM the heat will drain all the water right out of a person.  He also waxed the boat the same way, just a little work early each morning.  

Nevertheless, we did find a few thing to do.

Blind Pass Beach

June 7 - We loaded our umbrellas, beach chairs, cooler and wagon in the car for a morning at Blind Pass Beach. The water was warm and clear.  An on-shore breeze made for a pleasant day. We left well before noon as the day really began to heat-up. 

Ava Maria

June 16 -  We had never been to Ava Maria, the Catholic enclave northeast of Naples and a few miles south of Immokalee basically in the middle of nowhere.  A magnificent church lies at the center of the village surrounded first by attractive small businesses  and then by subdivisions and golf courses.

We met the president of Ava Maria University while searching for the Mother Teresa Museum located in one of the university buildings.  Click to read about the impressive Mother Teresa Project.

Ava Mari Village

Church Centered in the Village

The Museum 

Cruise to Captiva

June 22 - 23 - We led a cruise to Captiva, the first time we've been there since Hurricane Ian did so much destruction last September.  The island is on the mend and we had a great time with another crew of the boat named J&J motored by Jackie Engle and Jim Pase, members of our wonderful PGIslander Boat Club.  We had a delicious dinner with them at Captiva Yacht Club, which was newly renovated and their Chef prepared us an absolutely yummy meal.  We went for a swim in the Tween Waters Pool, next door, and an early morning dip in the ocean, located across the street.  What a fun weekend!  We lucked out with great weather and no thunderstorms!  Awesome time!

Pictures below of our boats and the beautiful Captiva Yacht Club.

Sunrise from Captiva Island Yacht Club - Morning Has Broken!

Dinner at 88 Keys - A few Islanders gathered for dinner at the Wyvern Hotel's  88 Keys Restaurant June 21. We enjoyed conversing with everyone and checking out the mid-week summer specials.

Monthly Game Night with the PGIslander Boat Club has been resurrected recently.  We learned a new card game and I won!  Lots of fun at the Linehan's home. 

Mary and Al Visit -   My sister, Mary, and brother-in-law, Al, came down for a few days visit to see our 102-1/2 year old Mom.  We had a great time going to Blind Pass Beach on Manasota Key.  We also took a trip down Memory Lane to Pine Island.  The highlight was lunch at Captain Con's.  We all enjoyed the coconut shrimp and grouper along with the homemade pies.  The coconut cream was delicious!

We have been beating the heat by reading indoors.  A few of the books we read worth mentioning are  Swan Light, Lessons in Chemistry and The World Played Chess

This year Fisherman's Village hosted the fireworks on the Fourth. After a dinner of pulled pork sandwiches and potato salad and several games of Chicken Foot Dominoes with Rob and Sue we drove down to an empty lot on Jamaica Way to watch the fireworks. We were the only ones on the lot while across from the yacht club, people packed themselves in. 

   

We attended a wonderful IYC Luau Party in July.