Losing Mom

 

Mom on her 100th Birthday

My dear Mom passed away on September 1, 2023.  It was quite miraculous.  My daughter, Michele, decided to come as a surprise visit.  Unfortunately, when Michele arrived, Mom was sick in bed vomiting and uncomfortable.  Michele examined her and suspected she had an intestinal blockage.  Because of her extreme age (almost 103) it was not feasible to take her into emergency surgery.  She was made comfortable and expired in the early hours of the new month of September.

I gave the following eulogy at Sacred Heart Catholic Church on September 14.

"Hello, my name is Joanne Collins, the oldest child of Marie Walter McDermott, whose life we are all here to celebrate today. On behalf of my family, we’re so glad you’ve joined us to honor our dear Mom and Grandma. While reflecting on her life, I realized that the story of how she got here to Punta Gorda, and thus why you are sitting here today, is not only a funny story but speaks to the woman she was.

Let’s go back to 12+ years ago.  My Mom was was living 100 miles north in New Port Richey.  Her husband, my father, Jim, had passed away the previous year, and she came to visit us for the holidays.  Picture this: we are sitting in this beautifully decorated church on Christmas Eve. A smiling Father Jerry walks down the aisle and tells us that he knows it’s been a tough year economically, and we or someone we know could use help with expenses. He spreads $5000 cash around the Baby Jesus and says that he will sit there until ALL the money is gone!  

You have heard the expression “her jaw dropped”? Well, Mom’s did just that. Then she turned to me and whispered “In all my days, I have NEVER seen a Catholic priest GIVE AWAY money.”  With that she knew she wanted to be part of Sacred Heart. By January, Mom had put her condo on the market.

Marie Frances Walter was born almost 103 years ago in Franklin, NJ, the first child of Katherine and Joseph Walter.  She had one brother, Bill, her “baby” brother whom she loved dearly. Her mother, Katherine, known to us as our Grandma Teaneck, was a remarkable woman in her own right. She was a nurse who took care of patients in New York City during the 1918 influenza epidemic and was also a suffragette who marched for Women’s Right to Vote.  I think this is where my Mom got much of her grit and determination, and she in turn passed that to me and my siblings.  

Just imagine being born in 1920 with the Roaring 20’s as your earliest memories, and then, one day at age 9 the whole world is turned upside down when the Stock Market crashed. Her dad lost his job as a lapidary, a gem cutter, and her family was forced to survive with help from her paternal grandparents.  The Depression was a tough time to grow up, and it affected her deeply.  From this experience, she developed two major values which she imparted as messages to her 5 children: (1) Be independent so you are not beholden to anyone and (2) Get a Higher Education so that you can always survive no matter the economic environment.

My Mom's Navy Wave Picture 1943

In her early 20’s, World War II broke out, and her brother enlisted in the Army.  Mom decided that if her brother could serve, she could do the same, and she enlisted in the Navy in 1943.  Back then, women could not serve on ships so she was stationed in Washington DC procuring supplies for the war effort.  After the end of the war, she was retained to wrap up the naval contracts until 1946.  Upon discharge, she received a “free bus ticket” anywhere in the United States and decided to head to Hollywood with a Navy friend. They had a grand adventure traveling by bus across the country and wound up living in the Actor’s Studio. 

After 9 months, her parents beseeched her to “come home” to NJ because her Dad was sick with cancer.  She reclaimed her old “pre-war” job for American Cyanamid in Rockefeller Center, NYC.  One day she heard of a Rooftop Dance for veterans at the YWCA.  She attended and met my Dad, Jim McDermott, who lived in Brooklyn. They met for dates in the City with Mom taking the bus from NJ and Dad taking the subway from Brooklyn for about a year until they decided to get married.  They were married in April 1948 and settled in Bergenfield, NJ, where they raised 5 children – me, Joanne Collins, and my siblings Mary Kuhnen, Claire Spanbock, Paul McDermott and Kevin McDermott. My parents were married for 60 years until my dad passed in 2008.

Mom & Dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary

Remarkably, Mom returned to the workforce at age 46 to resume her career, which was considered “late in life.” She was initially hired as a secretary for Lipton Tea Corporate Headquarters, Englewood Cliffs, NJ and worked her way up to become one of the first female managers, but because she was a woman, the company required her to be interviewed by a psychiatrist to see if she could handle a management position.  Of course, they found she could! And, she ultimately broke the “glass ceiling” when she was promoted to Manager of Consumer Affairs. Corporate America thrived with the help of forward-thinking, strong women like my mother.

In 1986, she retired from Lipton, and my parents moved to a condo community in New Port Richey, FL, near Tampa, where they enjoyed their retirement in warmer weather. She joined clubs, started water aerobics in the community pool, and took up painting as a hobby. She also continued to use her skillset from work in a variety of volunteer organizations, including the board of her condo association and the St Vincent de Paul Society. My parents were members of Our Lady Queen of Peace in New Port Richey, where she became a Vincentian and interviewed clients in need of assistance.  She told me that even though she wasn’t supposed to, she would occasionally slip clients cash when they were in a particular bind. 

After Dad died, Mom decided to honor him by funding an aspiring priest in far away India, who became Father Joe. They maintained an email correspondence, and my sister Mary and I have also remained in contact with him and are always happy to hear from dear Father Joe.  In fact, on Mom’s 100^th birthday, he sent us a video attachment of orphans singing to her, which was so special.

Well, that brings us almost “full circle” to Mom being amazed by Father Jerry on Christmas Eve of 2009.  She miraculously sold her condo in record time and moved into South Port Square, right across the bridge, in Port Charlotte.  She lived independently until she was 101 enjoying water aerobics (which she thought was her secret to longevity), card games and especially painting beautiful art works with her dear friend, Norma Jean Rich. 

Mom's Quilt of Valor on display in church

She loved coming to Sunday 11 o’clock Mass here.  Afterwards she would either come for lunch or Sunday dinner at my place in the Isles.  During the Pandemic, she watched Father Jerry’s Masses on YouTube, which was a great comfort to her when she was locked down.  She would tell you that this is one terrific church, but then it is not the building, it is the people and the leadership of Father Jerry and our other priests.  She was particularly impressed by our St Vincent de Paul, which is one of the largest in the United States and such an asset to our community. Mom encouraged me to follow in her footsteps as a Vincentian, becoming an interviewer myself, helping the poor and needy in Charlotte County with food, clothing, furniture, housewares and overdue bills, which has been extremely gratifying.  Mom was honored last Veteran's Day at the Military Heritage Museum here in Punta Gorda.  She received a "Quilt of Valor" which was fabricated in her honor by the Peace River Quilters.  We especially thank Lynn Kaiser who was instrumental in organizing this tribute.

Mom told us often that what she was most proud of was her 5 children, 8 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren. Mom’s messages to be independent and educated definitely influenced all of us. Her children and grandchildren have earned associates, bachelors, and masters degrees as well as 2 PhDs and 2 MDs, who are incidentally both female, her oldest and youngest granddaughters, beneficiaries of Mom breaking that glass ceiling. She was proud of all of their accomplishments, but much more important than degrees earned, she raised good people who are independent, free thinking individuals who give back to society.

A year ago, she moved to Assisted Living at South Port. She struggled with increasing issues with her mobility but still maintained a sharp mind and a zest for life. We are grateful that in the end, she went quickly. Mom will be buried tomorrow at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, FL with full Naval Military Honors.

We thank you so much for coming today and invite you all to continue this celebration her life by joining us for a buffet lunch at Isles Yacht Club after the service."

 Taps