Matters of the Heart

Love Story done the African Way

Our guide, Thompson, related what happens here in matters of the heart.

When a man starts to date, his parents do not want to know about any of his girl friends until he becomes serious with one of them. At that point, the man approaches his Aunt. (An Aunt can only be the father's sister. By the way, the mother's sister(s) are considered his additional mothers. For instance, the Older Mom (sister of his mother) or the younger Little Mom (sister of his mother). Likewise, his Uncle is only his Mom's brother(s). His father's brothers are additional Dads to him.

When he wants to marry, the man's Aunt and Uncle give him advice as to approaching his beloved parents and in negotiating her dowry. In this part of Africa, his bride is worth COWS. For instance, the girl might be worth 8 cows, but he will try to negotiate her price down to 5 cows. By the way, all men in Africa try to acquire at least one cow when they are teens. They work hard to afford the cow and once they acquire it, it stays at his parent's land and hopefully breeds with bulls and before he knows it, he'll have two or three or more cows. This is his worth (his savings account) since there are no banks in the countryside.

The big day comes and the man and his uncle and his aunt go to the girl's parents and broker the deal. In our guide's case, he negotiated his wife for 8 cows. Five cows were given once they consented and other other 3 were delivered to her parents 5 years after their wedding.

When the cows are delivered, they are considered married. Typically, they will have a church wedding sometime later. The bride goes to her new in-law’s home. She does chores for them and reveres her husband's parents. In return, they give her small gifts for her new home. After all this happens, she is free to move into her new husband's home.

Everyone in this part of Africa is from a village and they value their heritage from that village. Even if they move to a big city, they are expected to bring their children back to the village to learn about their heritage and experience village life. This occurs at school breaks or holidays.

Hope you enjoyed Love African Style!