Remembering Marie

In 2009, we were living in a rental house in Punta Gorda; Marie was still living 100+ miles north in New Port Richey. That December, Marie, Joanne and I flew to New York City to experience the city in its holiday glory. Marie at age 89 walked all around unaided with no trouble at all. She didn’t look a day over 70.

I can see her now silently reminiscing about her early days when she worked in Rockefeller Center as we stood in the plaza and walked the streets. She had attended the Rockettes debut in 1932. Now she was back for the Rockettes Christmas show. 

When I remarked about the high price for a beer at the Tavern on the Green for lunch, Marie, always tight with her money, smiled saying “We didn’t come to New York to save money!”    New York City

In 2010, the family celebrated her 90^th birthday at the Isles Yacht Club. Earlier in the year, she attended her grandson Brian's wedding on Naushon Island.   

 Marie at 90

In June 2011 Marie moved to South Port Square, a retirement community located about 5 miles from our home in Punta Gorda. This was a good move as almost all her neighbors in her condo development abandoned Florida in the summer. At South Port she made friends and traveled with fellow South Porters to theaters and casinos.

I remember pushing Marie in a wheelchair around Disney World during the Christmas 
Holidays. She could still walk but not the many steps Disney World requires to get around.

Christmas 2011

At age 92, Marie flew to Rome and visited the Vatican before attending her granddaughter's destination wedding in Ravello.

Marie in Rome

Escorted to the Reception

The year 2013 brought another wedding, this time in California.

Marie in California for Ben's wedding.

Veteran's Day 2013 

Marie remembered every turn as we drove to Paul's home in Charleston for a mini family reunion at the Isles of Palms. Earlier in the summer, she flew to Washington DC on an Honor Flight. 

2014 - Honor Flight

2014 - Christmas at the Yacht Club

 We celebrated Marie's 95th birthday at South Port Square in style. See 95th Birthday 

2016, Marie, Bleu Kitty, Joanne and Richard flew to Connecticut for Thanksgiving with Mary and Al.  See Thanksgiving in Connecticut.

October, 2017 -  Marie fell and broke her arm while we were in China.  Due to her age, an operation was not advisable so she was left to heal on her own in South Port's Assisted Living facility. Upon our return, I asked her how she was doing. She answered "I'm on one wing" but, restricted to her bed, she looked like death warmed over.  Michele flew over and encouraged the South Port staff to up their level of care.  Eventually, Marie's arm healed as best it could and she returned to her apartment in independent living.  

Marie had most probably fallen a number of times prior to this one but kept the falls to herself. She was deathly afraid of being forced into assisted care and rightfully so. This fall was perhaps just a step along a slow deterioration in Marie's mobility. However, her mind remained as sharp as ever.

Christmas 2017 on Lido Drive

Over the years, Marie would drive her car to church on Sunday and then drive over to our house to spend Sunday afternoon and evening with us, returning to South Port after 60 Minutes.  Sometimes, I would ride home from church with her.  She was always way over on the right side of our street but never clipped a mailbox.  Nevertheless, Joanne was always worried about her mom's driving. After she drove through a stop sign without stopping with me in the right seat, Joanne convinced her to give up driving. Marie gave her car to her son, Kevin. 

You can see in the picture below that Marie is using a walker at age 99.

2019 - Marie with Kevin and Joanne at a Stone Crabs Game.

2019 - Marie with Pilgrims at IYC Thanksgiving Dinner

Visiting Cousin Bill in Naples                                Paul & Diane Visit

Birthday Dinner with Norma Jean                      D Day Celebration at South Port

Jake and Claudia Visit                                      With Tony and Karen

April  2020 - The Coronavirus pandemic hits home.  Punta Gorda closes its parks. Restaurants close.  People freak out and move way over as I ride by on my bicycle.  South Port locks down.  People die at Southport - but not very many.  

As Mass was suspended at Sacred Heart, Father Jerry turned to YouTube. Marie watched from South Port and we watched from home.  It was great to be able to attend Mass in this safe way.

Bleu Looks at his Grandma

Each week, Joanne filled Marie's grocery order at Publix and I took the goods over to South Port for the guard to call someone to deliver it to Marie.    The guards got a kick out the label I added to the bag for each delivery -  For the Inmate in G410!  

We were allowed to pickup Marie for a Sunday afternoon and evening at our house each week.  Using her walker, Marie required a long time to come down the building's hallway from her room to the lobby but she made it every time without complaint.  

At South Port, temperature checks were mandatory.

Marie celebrated her one hundredth birthday with a dinner at the Isles Yacht Club. We "pulled out all the stops" to give her the "Treatment."   From long distance, Al prepared a slide show that played at the dinner.  I uploaded it to You Tube after deleting the accompanying copyrighted music. Michele recorded Marie reminiscing about her remarkable life: Marie on Turning 100.  Click to listen in.

  

Memorial Day 2021 - Joanne served as IYC Chaplin. Marie (Joanne's 100 year old Mom) was recognized for service in World War II receiving a standing ovation. Many attendees thanked her warmly for her service. 

November 2021 - My Mom, Marie McDermott, made it "in style" to 101 years young today.  Yesterday evening we headed out to the Isles Yacht Club to celebrate.  My brother, Paul, and sister-in-law, Diane, visited for Thanksgiving and were here to help with the festivity.  Also in attendance was Norma Jean Rich, Mom's best friend at South Port Square.  Mom ordered her favorite prime rib while most of the rest of us opted for the sumptuous seafood buffet with made to order pasta.  Yum!   

This is What it 101 Looks Like 

The band, Commodore, and many others wished Mom well and sang Happy Birthday.  The highlight was Mom dancing with Paul and me (Joanne) to "How Sweet It Is to be Loved by You."  It was a special day that I will treasure and always remember - Joanne.

December 2021 - As Marie's ability to walk down the hall to South Port's dinning room deteriorated, she purchased a mobility scooter.  She on her red scooter in action:  Hot Chick in a Red Convertible. 

2022 - April 17 -  We took Joanne's mom, Marie, to Mass after which we enjoyed Easter brunch at the Isles Yacht Club.   

2022 - May 8 - At Mass, Father Jerry recognized Joanne's 101 and 1/2 year old mom, Marie, on Mother's Day. Marie responded with her classic wave as the whole congregation applauded. 

            Easter at IYC                                                  Mother's Day at IYC

In September, Marie moved to the Assisted Care Unit at South Port as she could no longer manage her medications, get to the dining room or sleep in her bed due to its height above the floor.  See Moving Mom

South Port experienced difficulty finding staff both for food service and resident care. As a result, dining service on weekends was suspended; meals, not very appetizing, were delivered to the residents' rooms instead. 

We continued to bring Marie over on Sunday afternoons. When she could no longer manage with her walker, I built a ramp so that we could wheel her transport chair into our house.  Sunday dinner. 

When  Joanne could no longer lift her even with my help from her chair to the transport chair, we brought our Sunday dinner to South Port and the three of us had our dinner in a common room. Other residents stopped by to chat. Sadly no one ever visits some of them.  It is surprising how many residents have no one visit them.

In November 2022, Marie was honored for her service in the Navy at the Military Heritage Museum in Punta Gorda. She was the only World War II vet in the group who were honored. Each of them received a Quilt of Valor.

Quilt of Valor

Marie at 102 

After South Port resumed dining room service, we stopped bringing over dinner but wheeled Marie around the grounds and over to the independent living building each Sunday. 

On July 3, 2023 Mary alerted us that Marie was incoherent on the phone the past evening. No one from South Port had called us. We went over on July 4th to find her in very bad shape.  She did not have a fever but was indeed incoherent. We suspected a UTI, confirmed at the Millennium Walk-In Clinic the next morning. Marie responded to antibiotics and was soon back to her old self minus the memory of the days she was sick. 

I expected her to live at least a few more years.  She passed away unexpectedly.  It was miraculous that her oldest M.D. granddaughter decided to visit at that time.  Michele was able to explain that she probably had a bowel obstruction which at her advanced age, was inoperable.  She left us in the middle of the night around 2:15 am on 9/1/23.  We will never forget her.

More to follow.

2009  

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2009/08/oregon.html  

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2009/03/marie-attends-retiree-luncheon.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2009/11/mcdermot-thanksgiving.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2009/12/new-york-city-dec-7-10-2009.html

2010

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2010/06/wedding-on-naushon-island.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2010/03/lipton-lunch.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2010/04/crescent-street-boat-yard.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2010/09/burger-monger.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2010/11/maries-90th-birthday.html

2011

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2011/06/moving-marie.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2011/12/maries-91st-birthday-dinner-at-south.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-2011.html

2012

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2012/05/roma.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2012/05/ravello-destination-wedding.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2012/05/mother-daughter-fashion-show.html

2013

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-tribute-to-my-mom.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2013/08/ben-addies-wedding-day-8113-santa-cruz.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2013/11/veterans-day-honoring-women-in-military.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2013/12/thanksgiving-and-christmas-holidays-2013.html

2014

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2014/12/at-selby-gardens.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2014/06/honor-flight-for-mom.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2014/09/family-time-at-isle-of-palms-sc-beach.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2015/01/holidays.html

2015

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2015/04/catching-up-on-punta-gorda-life.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2015/11/blog-post.html

2016

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2016/12/thanksgiving-in-connecticut.html

2019

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2019/06/kevin-comes-to-town.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2019/12/end-of-year-festivities.html

2020 

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2020/03/our-life-has-changed-courtesy-of.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2020/04/pizza-with-marie.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2020/11/marie-centenarian-wonderful-celebration.html

2021

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2021/05/2021-first-quarter-january-through-april.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2021/11/this-is-what-101-years-young-looks-like.html

2022

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2022/05/easter-and-mothers-day.html

https://saileagleswings.blogspot.com/2022/09/moving-mom.html

to be continued

Losing Mom

 

Mom on her 100th Birthday

My dear Mom passed away on September 1, 2023.  It was quite miraculous.  My daughter, Michele, decided to come as a surprise visit.  Unfortunately, when Michele arrived, Mom was sick in bed vomiting and uncomfortable.  Michele examined her and suspected she had an intestinal blockage.  Because of her extreme age (almost 103) it was not feasible to take her into emergency surgery.  She was made comfortable and expired in the early hours of the new month of September.

I gave the following eulogy at Sacred Heart Catholic Church on September 14.

"Hello, my name is Joanne Collins, the oldest child of Marie Walter McDermott, whose life we are all here to celebrate today. On behalf of my family, we’re so glad you’ve joined us to honor our dear Mom and Grandma. While reflecting on her life, I realized that the story of how she got here to Punta Gorda, and thus why you are sitting here today, is not only a funny story but speaks to the woman she was.

Let’s go back to 12+ years ago.  My Mom was was living 100 miles north in New Port Richey.  Her husband, my father, Jim, had passed away the previous year, and she came to visit us for the holidays.  Picture this: we are sitting in this beautifully decorated church on Christmas Eve. A smiling Father Jerry walks down the aisle and tells us that he knows it’s been a tough year economically, and we or someone we know could use help with expenses. He spreads $5000 cash around the Baby Jesus and says that he will sit there until ALL the money is gone!  

You have heard the expression “her jaw dropped”? Well, Mom’s did just that. Then she turned to me and whispered “In all my days, I have NEVER seen a Catholic priest GIVE AWAY money.”  With that she knew she wanted to be part of Sacred Heart. By January, Mom had put her condo on the market.

Marie Frances Walter was born almost 103 years ago in Franklin, NJ, the first child of Katherine and Joseph Walter.  She had one brother, Bill, her “baby” brother whom she loved dearly. Her mother, Katherine, known to us as our Grandma Teaneck, was a remarkable woman in her own right. She was a nurse who took care of patients in New York City during the 1918 influenza epidemic and was also a suffragette who marched for Women’s Right to Vote.  I think this is where my Mom got much of her grit and determination, and she in turn passed that to me and my siblings.  

Just imagine being born in 1920 with the Roaring 20’s as your earliest memories, and then, one day at age 9 the whole world is turned upside down when the Stock Market crashed. Her dad lost his job as a lapidary, a gem cutter, and her family was forced to survive with help from her paternal grandparents.  The Depression was a tough time to grow up, and it affected her deeply.  From this experience, she developed two major values which she imparted as messages to her 5 children: (1) Be independent so you are not beholden to anyone and (2) Get a Higher Education so that you can always survive no matter the economic environment.

My Mom's Navy Wave Picture 1943

In her early 20’s, World War II broke out, and her brother enlisted in the Army.  Mom decided that if her brother could serve, she could do the same, and she enlisted in the Navy in 1943.  Back then, women could not serve on ships so she was stationed in Washington DC procuring supplies for the war effort.  After the end of the war, she was retained to wrap up the naval contracts until 1946.  Upon discharge, she received a “free bus ticket” anywhere in the United States and decided to head to Hollywood with a Navy friend. They had a grand adventure traveling by bus across the country and wound up living in the Actor’s Studio. 

After 9 months, her parents beseeched her to “come home” to NJ because her Dad was sick with cancer.  She reclaimed her old “pre-war” job for American Cyanamid in Rockefeller Center, NYC.  One day she heard of a Rooftop Dance for veterans at the YWCA.  She attended and met my Dad, Jim McDermott, who lived in Brooklyn. They met for dates in the City with Mom taking the bus from NJ and Dad taking the subway from Brooklyn for about a year until they decided to get married.  They were married in April 1948 and settled in Bergenfield, NJ, where they raised 5 children – me, Joanne Collins, and my siblings Mary Kuhnen, Claire Spanbock, Paul McDermott and Kevin McDermott. My parents were married for 60 years until my dad passed in 2008.

Mom & Dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary

Remarkably, Mom returned to the workforce at age 46 to resume her career, which was considered “late in life.” She was initially hired as a secretary for Lipton Tea Corporate Headquarters, Englewood Cliffs, NJ and worked her way up to become one of the first female managers, but because she was a woman, the company required her to be interviewed by a psychiatrist to see if she could handle a management position.  Of course, they found she could! And, she ultimately broke the “glass ceiling” when she was promoted to Manager of Consumer Affairs. Corporate America thrived with the help of forward-thinking, strong women like my mother.

In 1986, she retired from Lipton, and my parents moved to a condo community in New Port Richey, FL, near Tampa, where they enjoyed their retirement in warmer weather. She joined clubs, started water aerobics in the community pool, and took up painting as a hobby. She also continued to use her skillset from work in a variety of volunteer organizations, including the board of her condo association and the St Vincent de Paul Society. My parents were members of Our Lady Queen of Peace in New Port Richey, where she became a Vincentian and interviewed clients in need of assistance.  She told me that even though she wasn’t supposed to, she would occasionally slip clients cash when they were in a particular bind. 

After Dad died, Mom decided to honor him by funding an aspiring priest in far away India, who became Father Joe. They maintained an email correspondence, and my sister Mary and I have also remained in contact with him and are always happy to hear from dear Father Joe.  In fact, on Mom’s 100^th birthday, he sent us a video attachment of orphans singing to her, which was so special.

Well, that brings us almost “full circle” to Mom being amazed by Father Jerry on Christmas Eve of 2009.  She miraculously sold her condo in record time and moved into South Port Square, right across the bridge, in Port Charlotte.  She lived independently until she was 101 enjoying water aerobics (which she thought was her secret to longevity), card games and especially painting beautiful art works with her dear friend, Norma Jean Rich. 

Mom's Quilt of Valor on display in church

She loved coming to Sunday 11 o’clock Mass here.  Afterwards she would either come for lunch or Sunday dinner at my place in the Isles.  During the Pandemic, she watched Father Jerry’s Masses on YouTube, which was a great comfort to her when she was locked down.  She would tell you that this is one terrific church, but then it is not the building, it is the people and the leadership of Father Jerry and our other priests.  She was particularly impressed by our St Vincent de Paul, which is one of the largest in the United States and such an asset to our community. Mom encouraged me to follow in her footsteps as a Vincentian, becoming an interviewer myself, helping the poor and needy in Charlotte County with food, clothing, furniture, housewares and overdue bills, which has been extremely gratifying.  Mom was honored last Veteran's Day at the Military Heritage Museum here in Punta Gorda.  She received a "Quilt of Valor" which was fabricated in her honor by the Peace River Quilters.  We especially thank Lynn Kaiser who was instrumental in organizing this tribute.

Mom told us often that what she was most proud of was her 5 children, 8 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren. Mom’s messages to be independent and educated definitely influenced all of us. Her children and grandchildren have earned associates, bachelors, and masters degrees as well as 2 PhDs and 2 MDs, who are incidentally both female, her oldest and youngest granddaughters, beneficiaries of Mom breaking that glass ceiling. She was proud of all of their accomplishments, but much more important than degrees earned, she raised good people who are independent, free thinking individuals who give back to society.

A year ago, she moved to Assisted Living at South Port. She struggled with increasing issues with her mobility but still maintained a sharp mind and a zest for life. We are grateful that in the end, she went quickly. Mom will be buried tomorrow at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, FL with full Naval Military Honors.

We thank you so much for coming today and invite you all to continue this celebration her life by joining us for a buffet lunch at Isles Yacht Club after the service."

 Taps